Merry Christmas

Six months ago, I began a journey to find a new house of worship. Living near Hollywood, and noting how many churches there are in the area, it seemed as good a place as any to base my search. I made my way through Hollywood itself, Los Feliz, Beverly Hills, West Hollywood, Little Armenia, North Hollywood, and even dropped by Downtown LA and San Diego. I visited churches backed by Presbyterians, Baptists, Catholics, Episcopalians, Russian Orthodox, non-denominational Christians, Scientologists, and -- Lutherans, to name a few. I even tried (and failed) to visit two mosques. I never made it to a synagogue, but I did visit Canter's Deli a few times, and many of my Jewish friends have told me that suffices.

I had a few goals in mind when I began my quest, but first and foremost was finding a place where I felt comfortable giving praise and thanks to God. I decided to blog about the experience because I wanted to ensure I gave each church due consideration, and because I am always trying to find new and distinct ways of flexing my writing muscle.

Some would say there is a dichotomy between God and Hollywood, but I find more than a few similarities. The most glaring ones are that both feature the concept of faith and hope. A belief in God can be likened in many ways to the Hollywood dream. It can be a hard road, there will be obstacles and naysayers, and there are no guarantees. Yet I still maintain if you ever watch the sun go down on Sunset Blvd., then you know there is a magic and a mystery to Hollywood that cannot be explained. And I still maintain that if you have God in your heart, you can endure far more than if your heart is empty.

Christmas is upon us, and it means different things to different people. My godparents were missionaries in Africa back in the 1980s, and one year they sent me a gift for the holidays. It was a hand-carved Nativity scene, made of wood by the locals of their village, and in what some have described as blasphemous, obscene, or just plain wrong, the Nativity depicts all the major players as black. And I love it. I love that it offends; I use it as a barometer for who really understands Jesus at His core. God made us in His image -- why wouldn't a group of Africans carve Him as a black child? And why would any Christian lose sleep over it? Christmas is upon us, and it is the time of year we are most united in faith and compassion. It is the time of year when appearances do not count; action counts. Intentions count. Anyone who misses the action and intention of an African Nativity has missed a great deal more than that.

I sometimes hear people say, "I'm not a very religious person," but that makes no sense to me. You either are or you are not, the modifier has no place in that sentence. I am a religious person; I don't ram it down anybody's throat, because it isn't generally my style to do that. If you question me about my faith, politics, beliefs, etc., then I will likely respond and even debate you, but if you don't really care, I'm just as content to smile and move on about my day.

After visiting two dozen places, I have not yet found a church to call my own. I've made peace with that; I've actually made peace with the fact I might never find a church to call my own. A church should not belong to a person or even a congregation -- it is God's house, after all. Setting aside all the creeds that narrowly define who we are, we are all children of God. Christmas began as a celebration of the birth of Jesus, but it has expanded to become a celebration of life itself -- of giving, of family, of friends, and of love. This blog began as a means of deconstructing churches, but it expanded to become a place where faith is celebrated, hope is encouraged, and love is mandatory.

I wish everyone who reads this the merriest of Christmases, and I wish the very best for you and yours in the coming year. May God bless you and strengthen you, and may He fill your hearts with faith, hope, and love.

Amen.

St. Thomas the Apostle

Here is how a longtime member of the St. Thomas the Apostle congregation described his church to me: "We're the church of bells and smells."

We'll start with the bells -- according to the church literature, the organ features more than 4,000 pipes. That's a lot of pipes. It equates to a lot of bells. 

As for the smells, this church really likes incense. They use the shaky-shaky delivery system and spread incense whenever the priest walks and/or whenever the Bible is moved from place to place. Sometimes they spread incense for other moments, as well, such as when we pray or when we kneel or when we stand. That's a lot of incense. It equates to a lot of smells. 

Of course, the church is more than that, and I'd contend the reason these elements are the focus is because they call back to a series of ritualistic behaviors seldom seem in this age. The church boasts a well-balanced choir of voices capable of singing in Latin, a skill demonstrated several times throughout the service. I confess, I like elements in the original Latin. 

In this church there is a ritual for everything. All parts of the worship service are deemed of equal import, and the result is a focus on details other churches overlook. I have to admit, I found the experience to be interesting but exhausting. It felt like every few seconds you had to bow or make the sign of the cross or my doused with holy water or breath in the smoke from the shaky-shaky incense thing. There were several call-and-response portions of the service, a few in Latin. I can see how some people might be overwhelmed by it all.

I liked it. 

I am prone to distraction, and I have had a lot on my mind lately. This church doesn't really allow for that. Congregants are active, not passive, and the rituals are things the people there clearly took pride in, not for themselves, but as a way of honoring God. By the time the homily was delivered, we were ready for it. 

The head priest, Father Ian Elliot Davies, is as British as his name implies. So not only were there all sorts of rituals dating back to the days of old, but the guy running the show had "ye olde English" accent. It was like stepping back to a time when people celebrated the details and took satisfaction in a good end result. Further, his sermon was more of a history lesson (I've noticed a lot of those lately) about the Council of Nicea and how they worked to structure what Christianity was (and what it wasn't). Immediately after the sermon concluded, all in attendance recited the Nicene Creed, which in this church included reverential bowing and signs of the cross. 

First-time visitors to the church are given a coffee mug and greeted with a round of applause; not a nod to any past tradition, but -- hey -- this is Hollywood so swag is a given. It is customary for many priests and pastors to shake hands and say hello to people after church. Everyone at St. Thomas the Apostle was hugged. And the conversations were not like the cliche stewardesses at the end of a flight. 

When deluged with as much ritual and tradition as this church has, there is a tendency to make the actions the focus, but I didn't feel that at St. Thomas the Apostle. I felt like the actions taken were a way of praising God and centering hearts and minds. I'm not sure I could realistically have that much focus every week, but I was appreciative of it in this instance. 

Amen.

_______________________________________________

Sunday Scorecard

This will be a regular part of my weekly reviews, a series of short-answer questions about the day's experience.

What is the contact info for the church?

St. Thomas the Apostle

7501 Hollywood Blvd.

Hollywood, CA 90046

323/875-2102

http://www.saintthomashollywood.org

What was the denomination?

Episcopalian 

What Bible verses were referenced?

2 Samuel 7:1-11, 16, Romans 16:25-end, Luke 1:26-38

What are the demographics of the congregation?

A good mix of ages, less diverse ethnically 

Was the atmosphere formal or casual?

Very formal in structure and tone

What was the music like?

Organ and choir who sang in Latin

How was the use of PowerPoint?

None, and there was much rejoicing

Being Hollywood, were there celebrities in the congregation?

Yes there were

The First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood (fourth visit)

Yes, I went back to The First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood, and I did so for several reasons. Among them:

1. I wanted a place that would put me in the Christmas spirit, and I assumed the church would be nicely decorated. I assumed correctly.
2. I needed to focus more on the message instead of the aesthetics today. Not sure I can explain why, but today didn't feel like a day to be critical of the paint job, the music, or the size of the cross above the alter.
3. I wanted to pray.

I have not really focused on my personal faith over the last several months, largely because I still feel the sting of having been judged inferior by my former church. I am reluctant to share, but here goes.

I'm not big on praying in public. I'm not saying it is a bad thing; I'm just saying my words to God are generally private (one reason I'm not a Catholic -- I don't like the concept of middlemen in the prayer chain). I've been to churches where one is expected to hold hands with strangers while praying. I've been to churches where people gather around a person and -- well -- lay hands upon he or she while praying. Many people experience an energy from such a tactile experience. I'm just not a fan.

While it is true that one can pray anywhere, I have felt compelled to pray lately, and I wanted to do so in a church. I'm not one of those cheese-balls who will spout off about "the power of prayer." Sorry, that was less kind than it should have been. I just don't automatically assume prayer, for lack of a better word, works. But I have some friends going through some stuff, some family going through other stuff, and I had a few personal prayer requests of my own. When the list starts to pile high, I tend to go to church and, as the song says, "take it to the Lord in prayer." I don't know if it helps in every instance, but I know it has never hurt.

Today's service began with a prayer by the pastor that we be "participants, not observers" in worship. I propose the same needs to happen in life. I suppose that might be one reason so many prayers go "unanswered." In some cases like the illness of a loved one, there is nothing we can do except pray. But often we pray for something to happen, then sit back and wait around to see if it does -- we could be trying to make things happen, or we could be asking others for help. Instead we take no action other than prayer, and I'm not sure that is the correct approach.

Lately I've been more proactive regarding certain things -- things I also pray about. It isn't that I feel prayer is not enough. As an example, it is that I don't tend to pray for God to help others -- I pray to God that I can provide help to others... if that makes sense. I believe prayer is a part of a partnership or alliance, and both parties need to do their part. I may pray for my own happiness, but I'm really praying for the ability to make myself happier. I don't see God as a genie granting wishes. As the protest phrase goes, I believe we need to be the change we want to see in the world. I believe God wants us to make the changes, and it is perhaps asking too much of us to be asking/begging Him to do it for us.

The focus of the sermon today was "Trust God," and I do -- sort of. I believe that God is a sort of a "big picture guy," that he is looking at the whole universe at any given time. I trust that God is looking at the big picture; I just don't believe that means he's looking out for me as an individual. I also don't think He has anything against me. I just don't know if, as the saying goes, God is on my side. We don't see the big picture. At best, we see a microscopic fragment of it. We cannot hope to understand why bad things happen to good people (or vice-verse). And rather than try to find out, I choose to pray for wisdom or strength to try to lessen the number of bad things that might happen. I trust that God has the power to grant me the ability to become wiser and stronger.

Amen.

_______________________________________________

Sunday Scorecard

This will be a regular part of my weekly reviews, a series of short-answer questions about the day's experience.

What is the contact info for the church?

The First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood

1760 N. Gower St.
Hollywood, CA 90025
323/463-7161

http://www.fpch.org

What was the denomination?

Presbyterian

What Bible verses were referenced?

Isaiah 7:9-14


What are the demographics of the congregation?

A children's choir sang, so there were more parents than usual

Was the atmosphere formal or casual?

Formal in structure and tone

What was the music like?

Organ and a voluminous choir

How was the use of PowerPoint?

Very little, just for the Bible verses and song lyrics

Being Hollywood, were there celebrities in the congregation?

I'm 99% certain one of my favorite all-time actors was near the front of the church, but I didn't want to intrude

Our Mother of Good Counsel

I had plans for the late morning on Sunday, and something I've done in the past in such instances is to locate a Catholic church so I can -- bluntly -- quickly burn through a mass and get on with my day. It is the absolute wrong approach to worship, especially during the holiday season. God, like Santa, knows if you're being bad or good, so be good... or He'll send you to a mass that seems to go on forever as punishment.

Our Mother of Good Counsel is, quite possibly, the only thing in Los Feliz with ample parking. It is also a Catholic church with a music program. Mass included a decent-sized choir, a pianist, flautist, and bass guitar player. Multiple hymns were sung, and the call-and-response portions of the liturgy featured an array of musical arrangements. The priest was dressed in the same color purple as the alter fabric and fabric of the ceremonial tapestries at the front of the church. In short, at times during mass the priest seemed to vanish. I found this more amusing than a should have.

The homily wasn't really centered on the quoted passages in the Bible. Instead it was a cultural history lesson of the Catholic church, all five branches... or maybe six (the priest himself seemed uncertain). By way of clarification, not all Catholics are Roman Catholics, and there are differences amongst the other branches. Some are identified by their cities of origin, while others are just -- well -- different.

Some Catholic priests are allowed to marry and do not need to remain celibate. That's one of those facts that often slips past laypeople. Then there is Christmas itself. Advent is not universal to all Catholics, and those who do count down the days have unique traditions. Some consider the weeks leading up to the celebration of the birth of Jesus as a somber time, a time not to be filled with parties and lights and song. Others have not agreed on when to celebrate Christ's birth, and reserve Epiphany (January 6th) as the day to sing happy birthday to the Lord.

When I lived overseas, I got to experience this up close and personal. Multiple branches of Catholicism, as well as other Christian faiths, celebrate different ways on different days. Only us westerners celebrated on Dec. 25th, while others celebrated on the new year itself, then there were those who celebrated on Jan. 6th. And as Christians, we were basically allowed to celebrate all of the above instances.

Here in the west, where Christian denominations have intertwined and meshed together, we often forget there are differences. Certainly, the atheists who actively campaign for the removal of God from our lives tend to lump us all together as one. And more often than not those TV punditry shows will list any believer merely as a Christian. That is not altogether bad. There is more that unites us than divides us, but there are times when it is important to recognize the differences. Just as not all atheists are out to close church doors, not all Christians are picketing at the funerals of soldiers. On a base level, regardless of whether we are talking about religion, we need to be able to embrace differences and celebrate similarities.

We also need to remember that praising God is not just another trivial item on somebody's "to-do" list. At least, I sometimes need to do a better job of remembering that.

Amen.

_______________________________________________

Sunday Scorecard

This will be a regular part of my weekly reviews, a series of short-answer questions about the day's experience.

What is the contact info for the church?

Our Mother of Good Counsel

2060 North Vermont Ave.

Los Angeles, CA 90027

323/664-2111

http://www.omogc.org/

What was the denomination?

Catholic

What Bible verses were referenced?

2 Peter 3:3-18 and Mark 1:2-15

What are the demographics of the congregation?

Mostly Asian and Hispanic, mostly older

Was the atmosphere formal or casual?

Formal mass

What was the music like?

Decent choir, accompanied by piano, flute, and bass guitar

How was the use of PowerPoint?

No... I don't think Catholics believe in Microsoft

Being Hollywood, were there celebrities in the congregation?

None that I could see

Bel Air Presbyterian Church

It is not a surprise to people who know me, but I have mild obsessive compulsive tendencies. I happen to believe that it is not necessarily a bad thing because such leanings make a person more detail oriented. It doesn't interfere with day-to-day living if -- for instance -- I always shave from the right side of my face to my left side (unless I have a beard in which case I shave in the opposite direction, don't ask me why). Being blind in one eye, one idiosyncrasy I have is to kick the edge of a step with my heel when walking down a flight of stairs -- I do it without even thinking about it, and it helps me to orient myself and prevents me from accidentally walking off the edge of the next step.

One of my obsessions involves symmetry. I am a fan of symmetrical architecture where things are evenly spaced and in direct proportion to one another. Nowhere can such symmetry be more beautifully expressed than inside a church. Practically every famous house of worship can be evenly sliced in half, a mirror image of itself. Serene perfection.

It is impossible to deny the Bel Air Presbyterian Church is anything less than beautiful. What it is not -- however -- is symmetrical. And it is a jarring asymmetry. I understand the reasoning behind it; the church has one of the most amazing views in all of Los Angeles and the design of the sanctuary takes full advantage of that exterior beauty, with massive windows in all directions -- even behind the alter area. Note: There is a cross cut into the frame of the window behind the alter, but unless you are seated near the exact center of the room, the cross will be obscured by the pipes for the pipe organ. As compensation, they have erected a cross to the far right of the church -- to the right of the massive PowerPoint screen. For me, the asymmetry makes me feel unsettled and -- though I can't logically explain why -- unwelcome.

The result is a room that feels more like a quirky, high-end restaurant or coffee shop than a church. As I sat there, I half expected a waitress to come take my drink order.

While I found the music and multimedia in last Sunday's church to blend nicely with the quaint style of the sanctuary, in the hills off of Mulholland Drive it was just exploitative. The house band -- sorry -- the praise band did the majority of the singing; we served more as audience members than congregants. Splashed onto the screen was a comedy sketch produced in connection to the day's sermon about Nineveh. The video would have been a terrific way to provide background of the location to children, except the children were all downstairs in Sunday school.

The featured Biblical passages for this morning were from Isaiah and Jonah, both mentioning the town of Nineveh. It was in that place where the birth of Jesus was foretold -- and where Jonah got all worked up over a dead shrubbery, but that's not important right now.

I normally like to name the pastor of each church as I comment about the sermon, but his name was lacking in the day's bulletin as well as the PowerPoint screen, so I guess he doesn't want to be known. Though in looking up his name on the church's website, I see they have a "Pastor to the Entertainment Industry," so -- um -- there's that. As for the sermon itself, it was innocuous. I thought about what word best described it and none fit better than innocuous. For a casual church-goer, it was fine; how could something so watered down not be fine?

OK, I'm being nitpicky, but he was wrong in his definition of "advent." I know my Latin roots and I know what adv means and I know what advent means as a result of that. And even if I didn't know, there are dictionaries to assist me. Clearly, the pastor wanted to use the word "receive" in his sermon, and it did, indeed, fit nicely into what he was saying, but advent does not mean receive. Advent deals with arrival, not reception. Even the blasphemers of Nineveh knew that. So, yes, we should take the next few weeks -- a.k.a. Advent season -- to prepare to receive Christ into our hearts, minds, and lives. However, that ain't what advent means. Advent refers to the arrival of the King of Kings, regardless of whether we are ready to receive Him. Because ready or not, here He comes.

My advice to the church if it wants to attract people like me would be to strip away the ephemera. I realize that, in doing so, there would be very little left to the church (for starters, they wouldn't need a "Pastor to the Entertainment Industry"), and from the sizable congregation I am in the minority view here. However, if you were to take a poll of those who attended, I'd wager they will recall the comedic video about Nineveh and probably recall the handful of jokes the pastor told. But I wonder how many of them walked away with the message that Christ is coming.

And that is what Advent is all about, Charlie Brown.


Amen.

_______________________________________________

Sunday Scorecard

This will be a regular part of my weekly reviews, a series of short-answer questions about the day's experience.

What is the contact info for the church?

Bel Air Presbyterian Church
16221 Mulholland Drive
Los Angeles, CA 90049
818/788-4200
http://www.belairpres.org/

What was the denomination?

Presbyterian

What Bible verses were referenced?

Isaiah 7:10-17, Jonah 3, Matthew 1:18-25 (anyone who doubts the differences in versions of the Bible, read the account of Joseph in Matthew 1 from the KJV then look at it in one of the modern translations... completely alters his character)


What are the demographics of the congregation?

Mostly young, white, hipsters.

Was the atmosphere formal or casual?

Very informal. People kept getting up and leaving.

What was the music like?

Praise band. 'Nuf said.

How was the use of PowerPoint?

An overwhelming amount of PowerPoint which distracted from the message

Being Hollywood, were there celebrities in the congregation?

Yes. A pretty minor actress sat next to me for five or ten minutes before receiving a text and leaving.

Metropolitan Community Church Los Angeles

As an avid viewer of "This Old House," I like the concept of taking something old and restoring it to its former glory. However, too much modernization can corrupt the original (remember what the Deetz family did to the house in "Beetlejuice"?). The same can be said whenever a church attempts to ultramodernize. Throw together a drumset. huge TV screens displaying PowerPoint slides, and an entire set of A/V gear inside a classicly designed sanctuary and you've got yourself the makings of a disaster. For this sort of infringement on tradition, unless a very delicate balance can be maintained, it makes the entire worhsip experience feel like a happy-clappy pep rally led by the world's worst glee club.

Someone finally found the right balance.

I confess, the Metropolitan Community Church Los Angeles was a last minute choice for me. I'd done little to no advanced research on the place other than identifying the start time of its Sunday worship service. As I arrived, the rain was pouring down in the Los Feliz district of Hollywood, and -- as usual -- there was no parking available. I drove up a side road, finally finding a spot, then got out of my car and slid my way back to church.

The place was packed. Aside from a few funerals and Christmas services, I don't think I've ever seen a church filled to capacity. This church was standing-room only. A couple hundred people who had an energy I am frankly not used to seeing in the aisles. A guy in the second row was dressed like Huggy Bear, complete with fur coat, which is neither here nor there but something I've never seen inside a church before -- and it was awesome.

Screens were positioned to either side of the altar, and the front of the church was packed with singers and musicians. And when the music kicked in, small remote controlled cameras transmitted the service live via Ustream. In reviewing the video from this morning's service, it does not do justice to the audio, which is a shame, because unlike so many worship services I've attended lately, the congregants did not merely phone it in; they made quite a joyful noise. (Note: That is me in the screen-grabbed image next to the minister as he delivered the benediction at the close of worship)

There was a double message to the day's worship. The first dealt with thanks -- an obvious topic considering the week we are in, but less obvious when you consider the pastor's accent is a dead giveaway that he is from somewhere across the pond. The second topic is less well-known to many people, and one that many in the Christian community would rather not celebrate, and one upon which this church is based. Today is a day in the LGBT community when they remember those whose lives were lost as a result of having been discriminated against because of their sexual orientation. As I later learned from reading about the church on its website, the church was founded in the '60s by a radical minister who believed -- as the song goes -- that Jesus loved all the children of the world.

It is a point so trivial that I cannot believe it gets so much attention, but despite your race, gender, or sexual orientation, God loves you. Anyone who believes in God and claims otherwise is operating from a place of pure evil. Anyone -- and I'm looking at you Westboro scumbags -- who claims to speak for God and incite hatred or violence against anyone is operating from a place of pure evil. And as a guest speaker mentioned this morning, anyone who would murder someone in the Hollywood streets because of their gender or sexual orientation is operating so far from God's path they might be the devil incarnate.

MCC today is an eclectic mix of races, ages, genders, and -- one assumes -- sexual orientations. But they all come to Sunday worship to praise and sing to God. They all come to give thanks and to pray. And anyone who might deny them that honor is operating from -- you guessed it -- a place of pure evil.

Before I conclude on a positive note (perish the thought), I do have a few criticisms about MCC. For starters, for the love of God and for the love of my ear drums, bagpipes are not to be played indoors! And if you are going to do some indoor bagpiping, do not funnel the sound through a solid speaker system. What were you thinking? Come on. Have mercy on us all!

My final criticism relates to preaching politics from the pulpit. This occurred inside the first church I visited in Hollywood, and it occurred again today. In both cases, I happen to believe in the sentiment behind these political statements. However, I fervently disapprove of them being spoken as part of a worship service. As much as I detest the motives and actions of the so-called 1%, I want them to feel welcome inside God's house, just as I want the LGBT community to feel welcome inside God's house. In fact, if anybody is in more desperate need of God's word than the amoral billionaires of this nation, I'd like to might them. I support Occupy Wall Street and marched with Occupy Los Angeles, but those debates need to happen outside the confines of God's house. I'm not suggesting religious people should not engage in the debates and dialogues, but they should not be a part of a worship service. What I hope is such political speech occurred on this day because of what this day represents to the LGBT community, and that it is not a regular part of worship at MCC. As the service (yes, even the modern music) was otherwise full of positive energy and a genuine sense of welcome, my intention is to revisit this church again in the weeks to come.

Amen.

_______________________________________________

Sunday Scorecard

This will be a regular part of my weekly reviews, a series of short-answer questions about the day's experience.

What is the contact info for the church?

Metropolitan Community Church Los Angeles
4953 Franklin Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90027
323/669-3434
http://www.mccla.org/

What was the denomination?

MCC

What Bible verses were referenced?

Matthew 25:31-46

What are the demographics of the congregation?

Redefines diversity in a congregation, and the house was packed

Was the atmosphere formal or casual?

Informal but there was still a sense of reverence

What was the music like?

Praise band... and a bagpipe

How was the use of PowerPoint?

Perhaps the best use of PowerPoint and video I've ever seen. Professional and unobtrusive, though the audio needs to be better on the live Ustream feed.

Being Hollywood, were there celebrities in the congregation?

Yes.

Happy birthday King James Bible

My favorite translation of the Bible is 400-years-old. The King's book contains the Queen's English... the English of Shakespeare's era. It isn't perfect, but it gets the job done.

People tell me I ought to embrace the newer translations. I tell them "Thou art a fool, and I bite my thumb at thee." I was raised listening to and reading the KJV, so when the time came for me to study the Bard's classics in school, there was no learning curve for the language. I could simply focus on the story while others around me struggled. But more importantly, a point I keep stressing is that traditions connect us to the past. When I read a passage from the newer translations, they tend to feel colder, sillier, and much more removed from the source. Jesus shouldn't sound like a surfer; His words should sound authoritative. God should sound like James Mason.

Probably my favorite verse in the Bible comes from Psalm 30. Here it is from the King James Version:

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."

Contrast that with ASV's, "Weeping may tarry for the night..." Tarry? Seriously?

Then there is the dreaded NIV's bland, "Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning" which not only sounds like an accountant wrote it, but joy and rejoicing are distinctly different things. 

Lest we forget the version known as "The Message" which tells us, "The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter." This version increased the crying jag so your face will now be buried in a pillow over multiple evenings, then it dropped joy altogether in exchange for fits of hysterical laughter. 

The KJV told it beautifully and simply. You'll have a bad day, but joy will come. On a day like today, it is a verse I needed to read. Have patience. Have faith.

Happy birthday King James Version.

Amen.

Mt. Hollywood Congregational Church

Attention unemployed people: Have you ever considered becoming a pastor?

It is almost alarming how many churches I've visited over the last several months that are in need of a permanent minister. While I concede the pay is likely to be crap and you will most definitely have to work weekends, a job is a job. Perks of the job include: your own white robe, all the bread and fortified grape juice you can consume, and the opportunity to rant and rave to a bunch of people on a weekly basis. The hardest part of the job is -- when officiating over a wedding -- trying not to sound like this guy:

As you might already have suspected, I happened upon another flock in need of a shepherd this morning. The Mt. Hollywood Congregational Church in the Los Feliz district has a sense of incompleteness about it. Nobody seemed to know where the light switch was located -- not a metaphor, people genuinely didn't know how to turn on the lights inside the church. If the cornerstone is accurate, the building is over 90-years-old. I think a few members of the congregation witnessed its installation.

It isn't fair to judge a church by guest speakers and a transitional condition, but here we go anyway. There were about 40 or so people worshiping together including a choir that sounds surprisingly good. The pianist is talented, though his smug facial expression leads me to believe he knows this so I won't stroke his ego by citing him by name. For all I know he is a nice guy, but there was a look of pomposity on his face that never seemed to fade.

Two speakers delivered portions of the sermon, but nobody read from the Gospels. They did read one of the psalms, though. The first speaker was a member of the church who cited a former pastor's phrase, "grumpy saints." These are people who do good works and complain about it. Sometimes I think I fall under that category. However, to paraphrase her message: It is better to be a grumpy saint than a happy sonofabitch.

The second speaker worked for a local nonprofit organization that helped transgendered children. She had previously been a missionary in Liberia (sensing a pattern), and believe it or not she was able to equate the two experiences.

Overall the church didn't seem like a bad one, but it is clearly in need of focus and direction. I hope and pray that someone emerges to fill their vacancy and preserve the legacy of a nearly century old (albeit quirky) house of worship.

Feel free to send in a resume.

Amen.

_______________________________________________

Sunday Scorecard

This will be a regular part of my weekly reviews, a series of short-answer questions about the day's experience.

What is the contact info for the church?

Mt. Hollywood Congregational Church
4607 Prospect Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90027
323/663-6577
http://www.mthollywood.org/

What was the denomination?

United Church of Christ

What Bible verses were referenced?

Psalm 123

What are the demographics of the congregation?

Low numbers... older congregation, though there were a few families

Was the atmosphere formal or casual?

Formal choir, informal everything else

What was the music like?

Piano and choir

How was the use of PowerPoint?

No PowerPoint

Being Hollywood, were there celebrities in the congregation?

None that I recognized

Mount Calvary Lutheran Church

A lot of times we seek out what is comfortable. That was almost certainly what I had in mind when I selected Mount Calvary Lutheran Church as my house of worship this morning. To be blunt, the Lutherans haven't changed much since the protestant reformation a few hundred years ago, but the familiar appealed to me today so I gave it a go.

There is an old axiom: When God wants to punish us, He gives us what we want.

I came in search of something familiar, and I was greeted at the door by a woman who was very nearly identical in appearance to one of the long lost loves of my life -- and she was very friendly. No doubt she was confused because I'm fairly certain a woman who looks as good as she does is unaccustomed to men averting their gaze and walking away as quickly as possible. But it was frankly unsettling to see a virtual doppelganger of a woman who carved my heart up like a holiday ham. I found my way to a pew and buried my face in the church bulletin. That was when my prom date appeared to welcome me and hand me a packet of information they give out to all church visitors. It was not my prom date, of course, but as was the case with the first woman I'd encountered, this woman looked startlingly close to another woman from my past. The first woman clearly does not handle rejection well, because no sooner had my prom date left when the former love of my life stood next to me and gave me a monthly newsletter. There I was, in search of a familiar setting where I could think and pray, but I found myself engulfed by familiar (distracting) women.

Once the women had sufficiently freaked me out, an incident occurred which reminded of a moment in my past that I'd managed to repress. As those who know me are keenly aware, I am blind in one eye and lack depth-perception. While attending a Lutheran junior high, I sometimes served as acolyte at the church affiliated with the school. The candles I had to light were placed at eye level and it wasn't too much of a problem to light what needed lighting and snuff out what needed snuffing. But that church was not our family's church. Our family's church had candles perched higher than my eyes were able to estimate. On one (and only one) occasion, my family pastor asked me to acolyte. To hear my family recount the story, I looked a bit like a drunken Jedi trying to wave a lightsaber at fireflies. I was unable to light any candles and very nearly burned down the church. I generally don't waste much time worrying what others think of me, but there is no denying the embarrassment of that moment.

This morning, one of the two acolytes attempted to light a candle and actually managed to do a worse job than I did. The floors are a smooth (very smooth -- too smooth, it turns out) marble of some kind, and as the young boy reached up to light the candle, his feet sailed into the air and he landed hard on the ground, pausing just long enough to hit the alter and the wall on the way down. Candles sailed one direction and the snuffer (with the lit end) sailed another direction. The kid was clearly hurt, but the physical pain was nowhere near as bad as what the kid felt, if the expression on his face was any indication. With luck, he can repress the memory just as I did, only to have it resurface a few decades later when he's in church already feeling uncomfortable.

The last week or so I've had a few friends indicate that I've seemed more depressed than usual. There is an element of truth in that, but I contend what is really happening is that I'm coming to terms with the less-than-stellar quality of my life, as well as the lives of others around me. Lately it has been obvious that -- through little to no fault of our own -- things aren't exactly going our way. Already one who doesn't hold much back, I've been vocal about my unhappiness at the state of affairs, or lack thereof. The argument can be made that I'm not doing myself or anybody else any good by speaking about it, but I've never been one to repress things... aside from an odd acolyte experience or two.

Continuing the theme of lookalikes, I shouldn't have been shocked to see none other than Jolly Ol' St. Nicholas presiding over the worship service. Again, not the real Santa Claus, but an incredible simulation. Santa led us through a very traditional order of worship, though he did caution that the city was scheduled to work on the electricity and it was entirely likely the power would go out during the service -- probably not a good day to have toppled candles.

The church itself looked like bits of it had been renovated, but other bits looked old and even a little tired. The front was entirely brick and looked more like the backdrop of a small town comedy club than a big city church. The style was akin to art deco, only it felt like the end of the era of art deco, when people weren't trying very hard. The room's acoustics were designed to give any crows who had nested above the alter a prime sonic experience. The rest of us had to struggle to hear the pastor speak, even when he used a microphone.

One thing I liked was that the alter was up against the wall, which meant the pastor faced away from the congregation and toward the cross when he prayed. This is -- I feel -- as it should be. As is the case with my profession of teaching, ministers have to resort to being entertainers, but in the end, both the pastor and the congregation gather together to worship God, which should mean that we all face the proverbial Him. Another thing I liked was that, of all the Hollywood churches I've attended so far, this was only the second where the pastor preached from the pulpit. And the pulpit was elevated above the congregation. Santa spoke with authority, though -- sadly -- his message was too simplistic for my taste.

This being the Sunday closest to All Saints Day, I guess tradition dictates this is when we review the beatitudes. I reviewed them a month or so ago in another church, but that is neither here nor there. Reverend Claus indicated the translation could be the well-known "blessed are the poor..." but he preferred "fortunate are the poor..." because -- well -- that was never made entirely clear. But he stood on a pulpit in Beverly Hills talking about how the poor and meek would inherit the Earth, so he gets extra credit points for that.

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that this weekend also marks the birth and death of a very good friend of mine (he passed away several years ago, coincidentally on his birthday). I've written elsewhere about my final conversation with him, and the guilt that I carry having been rude to him during our last phone call. While I try to celebrate his life and the good times we shared, when this time of year rolls around, I still find it hard to carry the burden of guilt about not having been able to tell him how much his friendship meant to me over the years. The real reason I wanted a comfortable, familiar church setting today was so I could effectively work through some of those emotions, praying to God and talking to my friend. Instead, I wound up encountering two women whom we both knew, watched an acolyte do a double-axle, and listened to Santa tell rich people they were basically doomed.

Up in heaven, I think it might be possible that God and my late friend just high-fived.

Amen.

_______________________________________________

Sunday Scorecard

This will be a regular part of my weekly reviews, a series of short-answer questions about the day's experience.

What is the contact info for the church?

Mt. Calvary Lutheran Church
436 South Beverly Dr.
Beverly Hills, CA 90212
310/277-1164
http://www.beverlyhillslutheran.com/

What was the denomination?

Lutheran (LCMS)

What Bible verses were referenced?

Revelation 7:9-17 and Matthew 5:1-12

What are the demographics of the congregation?

Good mix of ages, mostly white... low numbers, though... roughly 30 in attendance

Was the atmosphere formal or casual?

Formal in structure and tone, except there was a coffee pot in the rear of the church

What was the music like?

Organ

How was the use of PowerPoint?

No PowerPoint

Being Hollywood, were there celebrities in the congregation?

Only Santa

Beverly Hills Presbyterian Church

I've been watching a lot of old westerns lately. To be frank, I watch a lot of old westerns as a matter of course. In many westerns, the men who are seeking something venture to the west. This realization inspired me to head a bit farther west, off the beaten trail, to Beverly. Hills, that is.

I don't spend a tremendous amount of time in Beverly Hills because -- by and large -- I've never felt welcome there. I don't come from money, and I haven't done as good a job of amassing a fortune as most of the folks of Beverly Hills. But there is something to be said about driving down Santa Monica Blvd. and seeing all of the different churches and temples that line the street. Amidst the ritzy shops and expensive eateries, there is a segment of the city's populace who remember the sabbath and keep it holy.

If a church hosts two worship services, it is almost a given that the early morning service will be traditional and the later service will be contemporary. The Beverly Hills Presbyterian Church won my heart by making the traditional service later in the day. The church is beautiful and ornate. The pews are, if not original to the church (which is celebrating its 90th year), old. The pews are in need of being replaced.

For a while there, PBS was running a unique series of reality TV wherein they'd select people and make them live the lives of their ancestors. Frontier House was my favorite among them, but a close second was Colonial House. In Colonial House, a group of people were made to live the lives of workers in a 17th century colony. When one of the colonists, a religious woman named Bethany, learned of the tragic death of her fiancee back in the real world, many of us felt the pain of her entire family; a few of us then thought, "So... Bethany is single" but that's another story for another day. The reason I'm bringing up the show was because the colonists had to attend Sunday worship and spend several hours on hard-wood benches... basically logs split in half. The pews at the church I attended today were not that bad, but they weren't much better.

Something that occurs with some frequency is that the churches I visit tend to have guest speakers, interim pastors, etc. It isn't fair for me to offer a full review under these circumstances, but I always try to make a few remarks about what took place. Such was the case this morning, when the head pastor found himself stranded on the East Coast due to a blizzard. They'd already planned to have some missionaries speak at the service, so at the last minute one of them agreed to deliver a sermon.

There is a soft spot in my heart for those who would travel to far off places to do missionary work. My godparents and their family served in Liberia for years. Part of the personal sacrifice they made inspired me to join the Peace Corps years later. One Christmas they sent me a gift: a nativity scene hand carved out of wood by some of the locals. Just as so many Italian artists before them, the locals took literally the part in the Bible which said they were made in God's image. In other words, all the featured players in my African nativity scene appear African, including the Baby Jesus. It is one of my favorite holiday decorations and I greatly enjoyed displaying it when I taught at various Christian schools... various conservative Christian schools.

These missionaries had been working in Africa as well, so I looked forward to the sermon... until the props were introduced... and until the teenagers were led from their Sunday school classes back into the church. This sermon was catered to the young and grossly oversimplified, leaving little for those who crave a more intellectual message. "Be on God's team" was the lesson -- really didn't need the pottery wheel to drive that point home.

Otherwise, the worship service was a good one. It began with the church choir singing a call to worship. When the voices began emanating from the rear of the church, I assumed they were performing in the balcony. However, as I turned to look, I could see they had gathered at the entrance to the church; they were literally calling those outside to worship. Afterwards, there was a processional which I like.

Those in the congregation were not very vocal when it came time to sing, but the choir itself had a really good sound. While the hymn "A Mighty Fortress is Our God" has never been a favorite of mine, the choir managed to pull it off. Better still, this morning I was introduced to a song I hadn't heard before entitled, "Springs In The Desert" by Arthur Jennings. Based on Isaiah 35, the song's tones were somber and reverent and they spoke to me. So even though the sermon was nothing to write home about, I did get to hear a song I hadn't heard before and consider a verse of Isaiah that I hadn't really considered before.

Amen.

_______________________________________________

Sunday Scorecard

This will be a regular part of my weekly reviews, a series of short-answer questions about the day's experience.

What is the contact info for the church?

Beverly Hills Presbyterian Church
500 N. Rodeo Dr.
Beverly Hills, CA 90210
323/271-5194
http://www.bhpc2.org/

What was the denomination?

Presbyterian

What Bible verses were referenced?

The pastor was supposed to focus on the Book of John but the guest speaker sort of off-the-cuff quoted a few verses in Romans.

What are the demographics of the congregation?

Actually a good mix, and they have a special Iranian/Farsi service late in the day that sounded unique.

Was the atmosphere formal or casual?

Formal in structure and tone. Associate pastor and choir in vestments.

What was the music like?

Organ and choir which had a good sound -- the congregation, not so much

How was the use of PowerPoint?

No PowerPoint

Being Hollywood, were there celebrities in the congregation?

Yes, one very well-known and a few semi-well-known

"Lord have mercy!"

This might not fit neatly into my weekly reviews of various houses of worship, but I'd be remiss if I didn't voice my anger at the removal of Jim Ladd from KLOS.

For those not in the know, Jim Ladd is a legacy broadcaster who helped to transform FM radio and fought to preserve its uniqueness. He is known as the last of the freeform rock jocks, operating without a playlist and choosing -- or letting his listeners choose -- the music on their radio station. Jim Ladd often referred to radio as the "tribal drum" that called a community together and united them through the gift of music.

I won't presume to know about Jim Ladd's faith, but he strikes me as being a very spiritual individual. If he's ever spoken of his specific beliefs, I never heard it; mostly I've heard him express love and compassion towards all of humanity (with the possible exception of a few station managers and politicians).

I wanted to share a set of songs for those who know of him and for those who do not; he really is a special broadcaster. This set of songs evolved from a request made by one of his listeners, namely me. I called into his show about 10 years ago and talked with him. I was in a foul mood and I requested he play some sort of music to provide a little hope on what had been a dreary day. Jim Ladd provided in a way few DJs can do; he selected some songs that were spiritual and uplifting... songs that were not on anybody's playlist. What happened then was amazing: It lit a spark that ignited the community, and soon other listeners were calling in requesting songs to add to the list. The community came together via the tribal drum, and the music on Jim Ladd's show connected us in spirit.

Jim Ladd is not dead, and I have little doubt he will resurface on another station soon. In the meantime, if you'd care to hear some of the set he created specifically to help strengthen me, click here. The audio is converted for a cassette tape (remember those), so apologies for the lower quality and tape hiss.

Lord, have mercy.

Amen.

The First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood (third visit)

I had some personal matters to attend to last week, and I felt bad about not having attended worship.  I'd hoped to squeeze in a mid-week service somewhere, but none of the places I'd scouted looked promising or interesting. So I decided I'd be going to two worship services today to make up for it. The plan was to attend worship at the Russian Orthodox church first in English and then again in Russian, but after the English service it became obvious it wasn't the church for me. I decided to give The First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood another go this morning.

The chief thing First Presbyterian has going for it is its pastor, Dan Baumgartner. I find his sermons to be thoughtful, intelligent, and above-and-beyond the norm. Because of him, I gain more insight into the Scriptures, and thus feel closer to God (and thus feel I can get away with using words like "thus"). However, on my second visit to the church, I found the demographics of the 9:30am traditional service to pale in comparison to the 11:00am contemporary service. I liked the diversity in the contemporary attendees, but I just don't like modern music and the general informality of a contemporary service.

I tried the 9:30am service this week, as well. Again, an excellent sermon by the pastor about how our attitude towards children is a fair barometer of our general character. But in addition to that, as he has done in the past, he took a well-known passage (the "suffer the children... come unto me" verses from Luke) and avoided the cliche. He did not make it about baptism or confirmation the way most pastors do, instead, focusing on an idea found a few verses later about how we need to be childlike -- regardless of age -- when attempting to relate to God. We must approach Him with humility, and we must be in awe, if for no other reason than because there will always be so much we do not understand and cannot control. He made some cogent points. But, as before, the congregation lacked youth and diversity.

I am not against old-people, though I am against the older woman who sat behind me during today's sermon, noisily going to town on hard candy. I'm not kidding, it sounded like she was mashing boulders in a quarry. Anyway, I know I am not the only person under the age of 40 who values the ritual and formality of a traditional worship service. And I know there are people of different ethnicities and backgrounds who feel the same, too. It isn't that I need those things, but First Presbyterian is in the heart of Hollywood; it ought to reflect the diversity of those who live in the area.

What I'll do is continue to periodically attend First Presbyterian; I might try another contemporary service and see if I can take the praise band. In the meantime, I'll keep searching for that perfect home church for me, because this is important to me. As a child I got led around to whatever church my mom told me to go to. As a young adult I fell into the rut of the Lutheran church because it was what I knew. As a man, I want to find a church that speaks to me, and though a pastor is a large part of a church, there should be more there for me than just that.

Amen.

_______________________________________________

Sunday Scorecard

This will be a regular part of my weekly reviews, a series of short-answer questions about the day's experience.

What is the contact info for the church?

The First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood

1760 N. Gower St.
Hollywood, CA 90025
323/463-7161

http://www.fpch.org

What was the denomination?

Presbyterian

What Bible verses were referenced?

Luke 18:15-17

What are the demographics of the congregation?

The contemporary service was much more diverse than the traditional 9:30am service

Was the atmosphere formal or casual?

Formal in structure and tone

What was the music like?

Organ and a voluminous choir (and a better-than-average children's choir), with a shout-out to the lovely and talented Karmen Suter on flute

How was the use of PowerPoint?

Very little, just for the Bible verses and song lyrics

Being Hollywood, were there celebrities in the congregation?

Either yes or a good lookalike

The Protection of the Holy Virgin Russian Orthodox Church

Back in '02 I visited a Russian Orthodox church in a Russian speaking country.

I had no clue what anybody was saying, but the chanting sounded beautiful and the church looked like something out of a storybook. This morning I attended The Protection of the Holy Virgin Russian Orthodox Church in Hollywood, just off the 101 freeway. They spoke in English, but I still frankly had no clue what anybody was saying. The chanting still sounded beautiful, albeit distracting at times. The church looked... well... like somebody had littered a basement with framed paintings and candelabras.

As I am about to demonstrate, I am not an expert in what it means to be orthodox. Clearly, however, all the saints (and more than a few minor Biblical characters) hold tremendous weight with the church; if they are not on equal footing with Jesus, they are nonetheless greatly elevated above us mere mortals. Instead of congregations I am accustomed to which kneel before a cross and pray to Jesus, the Russian Orthodox customs include bowing down to the apostles, the Biblical authors, the guy who cleaned the manger where Jesus was born, the man who grew the grapes for the wine used in the Last Supper, etc. Seriously, ever see the beginning of "The Muppet Show"? That is what the alter-area looks like.

No disrespect intended; I am merely pointing out that those who may be confused by the 3-in-1 concept of the trinity are really going to be overwhelmed by number of folks to pray to in the Russian Orthodoxy.

To be blunt (uncharacteristic of me, I know), the worship service is not really geared towards the congregation. The liturgy is an offering to God (and all the saints and on and on). Those in attendance are merely bystanders -- and I mean that literally, because one does not sit during the worship service. If your legs get tired of standing, you can always walk to your favorite portrait of your favorite Biblical pal and light a candle or kiss the picture or kiss the floor or make the sign of the cross. Meanwhile, there is a small chorus in the balcony offering up chants "unto the ages of ages," which to me is one of those place-holder phrases that really doesn't mean anything. For that matter, the word "ineffable" was used a few times and the late Douglas Adams pointed out its vagueness means it can be dropped in front of almost any word or person with no impact whatsoever.

There was no spoken word portion of the service; everything was chanted or sung, including the Bible readings. There is a cadence all involved seem to adopt, and after 30 minutes or so, my dark, comedic mind envisioned a comedy sketch wherein that is how they speak throughout their everyday life (ordering from a drive-thru, grocery shopping, etc.). This thought made me giggle, which didn't please those standing near to me. I pondered heading over to a nearby portrait and lighting a candle, but the man depicted appeared to be "Fat Elvis" and I much preferred the more spry Elvis of the '68 comeback special. I looked around but couldn't find any images of that king.

The sanctuary itself felt cluttered, with framed portraits covering the walls and -- in some cases -- plopped in the middle of the room. As is the custom, the alter itself is blocked from view. There were secret doors and panels leading in and out of the alter area. The priests did most of their work behind what looked like the doors to a wild west saloon. Occasionally, a guy who looked like either a Number Two Lead Pencil or a Marshmallow Peep (depending on the angle) would walk around with his "shaky-shaky" incense dispenser and stink up the place. For a while, some folks approached a priest for some sort of private prayer moment, and -- hand-to-God -- the priest would lift up part of his robe and put the other person under it while he prayed with them. I'm going to admit that I, personally, would not be comfortable with that level of priestly intimacy.

I hope any Russian Orthodox readers can find the humor in all this, because -- obviously -- without context I had no clue what was going on. A few positives: no children's message, no "greetings," no PowerPoint. Primary negative: no clue what was going on.

Which is why today I doubled-up and attended a second worship service.

Amen.

_________________________________________________

Sunday Scorecard

What is the contact info for the church?

The Protection of the Holy Virgin Russian Orthodox Church
2041 Argyle Ave.
Hollywood, CA 90068

http://www.pokrovchurch.org/

What was the denomination?

Russian Orthodox

What Bible verses were referenced?

Something from Paul and something from John (chanting made that tough to identify)

What are the demographics of the congregation?

Well... um... Russian

Was the atmosphere formal or casual?

Very formal environment

What was the music like?

Acapella chanting

How was the use of PowerPoint?

None

Being Hollywood, were there celebrities in the congregation?

Not that I could tell

No church review today...

Due to personal reasons, I was unable to visit a house of worship today, but fear not, faithful readers, because I intend on attending a mid-week worship service to make up for it. So thanks for your patience and understanding, and check back in a few days. 

To hold you over until then, please accept these words from Father Don Gavin, a favorite of mine. In the realm of tasteless yet poignant dogmatic humor, few sum it up as well as this clip. 

The First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood (second visit)

I opted to take another look at The First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood, this time attending the traditional worship service at 9:30am instead of the contemporary late morning worship. I first checked out the church a few months back and was pleasantly surprised by two things: the diversity of the congregation and the fact Pastor Dan Baumgartner's sermon didn't assume I was an idiot.

While I have enjoyed visiting the wide variety of churches the last few months, the argument could be made that I have strayed a bit off my original course which was to select a new home church for myself. And in a less literal sense, I wanted to find God inside one of these venues.

The less literal sense is kind of silly when you think about it. If you believe in Him, then it is a given that He can be anywhere, so God has been inside every church I've visited, just as He has been inside every 7-11 I've visited. But what I'm seeking is a place where I can feel Him, or at least feel closer to Him. But -- really -- I am seeking a place where I feel welcomed and where I don't feel inferior. I think maybe we all seek that place.

I noted not nearly as diverse a congregation in the earlier service, which disappointed me. However, it was stated in the announcements that a sizable chunk of the church membership was away at a retreat, so it might not be fair to use this morning's attendance as an accurate depiction. Clearly, a third visit will need to be made down the road. 

Pastor Baumgartner seems to be focused on the book of Luke this month, which contains more than its share of parables by Jesus. And just as he did last time, he spoke of a story in a way that I didn't feel talked down to. I concede that I am impressed with his approach to delivering a sermon.

The concept of delivering a sermon without being patronizing or condescending is worth repeating. A lot of people see the stories of Biblical times as told to children during Sunday School, and they never quite snap out of that mindset and into the concept of treating kids like kids but adults like adults. This leads all too often to atheists and agnostics talking about the juvenile nature of religion and faith. And a lot of the pandering lies in what is emphasized. Children should marvel at Jonah being swallowed whole by a big fish, but adults should marvel at how a man can hold onto his convictions in the face of overwhelming adversity. Children should marvel at the world being created in seven days, but adults should marvel at how a balance of nature can be achieved in such a complex structure at both a macro and micro level.

Today the pastor talked about the story of the rich man and Lazarus. Children should marvel at the familiar refrain in most theologies that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter heaven (*not applicable to followers of kabbalah). Adults, however, can look past the superficial and dig deeper into the substance. In this case, the story was about comparisons and contrasts.

• Clothing: Rich man was expertly wardrobed in colorful garments, while Lazarus not only had no clothes, but he had open wounds that the village dogs licked (ick).
• Food: Rich man feasted every day, while Lazarus looked on from outside, hoping for scraps.
• Housing: Rich man had a palace, while Lazarus had no place to lay his head.
• Buriel: Rich man was buried or entombed in the traditional manner of the wealthy of his day, while Lazarus would have died and decomposed out in the open air.
• Names: Rich man was never given a name in Jesus' story, while the name Lazarus translates loosely as "My God Helps."

In the end, one makes it to heaven and the other winds up someplace else. But instead of focusing on the superficial, one can dig deeper. Jesus was telling this story to the holy men of His day who had become obsessed with the finer things in their lives. As Jesus saw it, their pursuit of attaining things in the name of God had caused their lives to shrink. A modern version of this story would be the current pope living in his own private country, so far removed from humanity that he could not possibly relate to their experiences... not even with a profile on Twitter. I have no doubt the pope has great faith and feels blessed -- so would I if I had a palatial Italian penthouse and all the big hats I ever needed.

Pastor Baumgartner referenced this now-famous commencement address by the recently departed Steve Jobs, wherein he stated, "Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything -- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure -- these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important." People have been critical of the idol worship after news of Jobs' passing was released, but I think many of us mourn the creative spirit that drove the man more than the man himself. I never met Steve Jobs, but the technology he helped to create and the passion he had would indicate to me that while he was pleased to have money, it was not money alone that drove him. There were multiple points in his life when he could have kicked back and enjoyed the millions of dollars he'd earned, but his idealism seemed to prevent that.

Reading the story of Lazarus and the rich man, while Lazarus is certainly aware of the rich man, there is no indication the rich man is aware of Lazarus until after both men died, and that is a poignant point. It is obvious the pope is unaware of my plight, but it is less obvious where Steve Jobs is concerned. It was never enough for Jobs to simply know the technology existed; he wanted it to exist in such a way that anyone could use it. My mother just bought an iPhone yesterday, and she'd be the first to admit she is not strong in technology. But she likes sending texts and playing games and staying in touch with friends and family, and it is now easy for her to do so.

As I understand it, Steve Jobs was born to a Muslim family and converted to Buddhism. I'm unaware of any public statements he made about God or the afterlife. Irregardless, his attitude towards this life is commendable. But if there is a heavenly reward in the afterlife, Steve Jobs might have passed through the eye of a needle to get there, so to speak. In any case, there are lessons to be learned today from two different rich men; one who had a name and one who did not.

Amen.

_______________________________________________

Sunday Scorecard

This will be a regular part of my weekly reviews, a series of short-answer questions about the day's experience.

What is the contact info for the church?

The First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood

1760 N. Gower St.
Hollywood, CA 90025
323/463-7161

http://www.fpch.org

What was the denomination?

Presbyterian

What Bible verses were referenced?

Deuteronomy 15:7-11 and Luke 16:19-31


What are the demographics of the congregation?

The late service was much more diverse than the traditional 9:30am service

Was the atmosphere formal or casual?

Formal in structure and tone

What was the music like?

Organ and a voluminous choir

How was the use of PowerPoint?

Very little, just for the Bible verses and song lyrics

Being Hollywood, were there celebrities in the congregation?

Either yes or a good lookalike

Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels

Today's church review will not be traditional, but -- frankly -- none of my reviews have been traditional, so that shouldn't be too startling. The church in question is well beyond the confines of Hollywood (though it can clearly seen from the Hollywood freeway), and it is well outsides the norms of a conventional church. For starters, it has its own gift shop.

Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels is in the heart of historic Los Angeles. It would be highly visible even if it wasn't massive in size because it can be seen by every motorist stuck in traffic on the 101 freeway (which is every motorist stuck in traffic). What sets this review apart from the others is that I didn't technically attend worship here. I was in Los Angeles on Saturday and had never seen this church up close, so I decided to take a look inside. I don't think my review will be lacking too many details, however, since this is a Catholic church, and if you've seen one mass you've essentially seen them all.

The Catholics don't do anything small as a general rule, but this is the "mother church" of the archdiocese of Los Angeles, so they held nothing back. It has its own parking structure, a massive outdoor activity area with fountains, tables, chairs, and a children's play area. Almost every Catholic church has a place to light a candle, kneel down, and pray to the Virgin Mary -- you'll find that outside as well, overlooking the aforementioned Hollywood freeway. I already mentioned the gift shop -- the church also has free wifi.

Walking inside, you'll find a very modern approach to the very classic cathedral arrangement. In a twist, the alter is close to the entrances (there is one at each side), though the holy water is in the rear of the sanctuary. You see the hint of old school cathedral ceilings, but with some key differences. The dark wood is gone, as is the stained glass and the frescoes, all replaced by lighter, friendlier equivalents.

One side corridor of the church seems dedicated to the look and feel of the past, but the rest is contemporary. And in this instance I approve. It is still a church; it still feels like a church; and it still seems to be dedicated to the concept of "God's house." However, even God's house can be renovated from time to time. Granted, I didn't attend mass here, but despite the fact the cathedral has its own coffee shop (that serves Starbucks), I'd wager cups don't get brought inside. I'd wager people remove their hats when they enter (I did). And I'd wager that when parishioners introduce themselves and shake hands with Monsignor Kevin Kostelnik, he doesn't say, "Please, call me Kevin."

At the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels, Catholicism is taken very seriously, because this is where popes, cardinals, and bishops gather to worship while in town. That said, I cannot help but wonder where Jesus would break bread while in the city. I won't claim to speak for Him or understand His wants, but if I had to guess I'd say that Skid Row would see more of Jesus than the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels.

Amen.

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Sunday Scorecard

This will be a regular part of my weekly reviews, a series of short-answer questions about the day's experience.

What is the contact info for the church?

Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels
555 W. Temple St.
Los Angeles, CA 90012
213/680-5200

http://www.olacathedral.org/

What was the denomination?

Catholic

What Bible verses were referenced?

n/a

What are the demographics of the congregation?

n/a

Was the atmosphere formal or casual?

formal interior, less formal exterior

What was the music like?

n/a

How was the use of PowerPoint?

None at all

Being Hollywood, were there celebrities in the congregation?

n/a