The First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood

When selecting churches, I look up their official websites to verify start times, denominations, core statements of beliefs, and related information. I considered The First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood since it is very often pictured in tourist photographs, because standing on Gower (near Roscoe's Chicken 'n' Waffles) offers people a decent view of the Hollywood sign coupled with the picturesque church itself.

 

I mention my methodology by way of apology. You see, I did this church a disservice by intentionally selecting the 11am service, even after research revealed it to be "contemporary" worship. I'd managed a few worship services this month and was thus far able to avoid anything contemporary, but I knew it was coming and decided to bite the bullet, head to one, and be done with it. 

I am Switzerland when it comes to pipe organ music. I actually served as a dorm monitor for a pipe organ camp a few summers ago. As with most instruments, those who do it well should be respected and those who do not should be encouraged to do better or consider pursuing other interests. All of this is my roundabout way of saying I've never met a praise band I liked, and if I had my way ye olde pipe organ would handle the bulk of a Sunday worship service.

I've encountered some talented musicians in praise bands, but I've never encountered a praise band that didn't remind me of the juvenile nature of the last two minutes of any episode of "Leave it to Beaver." I don't doubt the sincerity of the musicians and singers, nor do I doubt their genuine attempts to offer praise to God in musical form. I just dislike the cookie-cutter format (teen pop music has more variety), sappy lyrics, and just a general sense of "We know we aren't that great, but God doesn't mind" that seems pervasive by those in the field. I'll leave it to comedian Mike Birbiglia to explain it better than I ever could:

Music aside, I really enjoyed First Presbyterian. The assortment of people in the congregation was amazing. I've been in predominantly white churches, predominantly Asian churches, and predominantly black churches, but I've never seen such an even mix of people under one roof before.

However, the diversity wasn't what made me glad to have attended. I was glad because the pastor didn't seem to be completely full of sh*t. Not only that, but he got me to see a well known parable in an entirely new perspective.

The sermon was rooted in the story of the good Samaritan. Believe in God or not, the story is embedded in our society's mythology. As Jesus tells the story, a guy is robbed and badly beaten, two men pass by without helping, but the Samaritan comes to the stranger's aid. The moral is simple: Love thy neighbor.

But the pastor, Dan Baumgartner, suggested we might be looking at the story from the wrong perspective. It is futile to suggest that we try to lead our lives as the Samaritan, because we simply aren't that perfect. Nor are many of us as bad as the two men who ignored the man in the street. What we need to recognize is that in this parable, we -- all of us -- are the man in the street. We are all in need of help. We are all injured in some way. And it is that helplessness that unites us as a species. From that comes a mutual understanding -- that we might encounter a Samaritan from time to time, or we might embody the mannerisms of a Samaritan ourselves for brief periods, but it isn't the helping that unites us -- at least not nearly as much as the need to be helped. It was a perspective on that story -- a story I've heard my entire life -- that didn't sound sappy. It didn't sound juvenile. It didn't sound like the last two minutes of any episode of "Leave it to Beaver."

It was a sermon that didn't assume I was a moron delivered by a pastor who didn't talk down to me. It has been a while since I've encountered that. So my apologies to this church for being the recipient of my contemporary apprehensions, but I promise to return another Sunday to one of the traditional services at 9:30am.

Amen.

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Sunday Scorecard

This will be a regular part of my weekly reviews, a series of short-answer questions about the day's experience.

What is the contact info for the church?

The First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood

1760 N. Gower St.
Hollywood, CA 90025
323/463-7161

http://www.fpch.org

What was the denomination?

Presbyterian

What Bible verses were referenced?

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 and Luke 10:25-37

What are the demographics of the congregation?

The most equally diverse group of worshipers I've seen in all the churches I've ever visited.

Was the atmosphere formal or casual?

A contemporary service lends towards informality, but the pastor wore a tie while delivering the sermon

What was the music like?

Praise band -- consisted of guitar, bass, piano, and drums

How was the use of PowerPoint?

PowerPoint operator had A LOT of trouble keeping up with the songs, readings, etc.

Being Hollywood, were there celebrities in the congregation?

A few character actors -- familiar faces but I couldn't quite place the names

Prayer for the rednecks of the world

The First Christian Church of North Hollywood

I have unique tastes and sensibilities. I get that. But I can also adapt to certain scenes. When it comes to churches, there are criteria I have in mind for a house of worship, but I can accept both more or less when the situation calls for either. Though a good deal of what I'm seeking is intangible (inasmuch as I can't put it into words, but I'll know it when I see it), a few things are straight-forward. For instance: I should not leave church more agitated than when I entered. Alas, that is exactly what happened today at the First Christian Church of North Hollywood.

I chose this church because -- well -- it is famous. You might not know it by name, but if you saw the latest Indiana Jones flick, Pam & Jim's wedding on "The Office," or any episode of "7th Heaven." then you'd recognize the church. I was a huge fan of "7th Heaven," and thought it exemplified what actual family entertainment could be. I knew heading to this church that I could not expect a Rev. Camden sermon. I attempted to adapt.

First and foremost, the lack of organization unsettled me. At the last minute somebody decided to make it "Hawaiian shirt Sunday," but not everybody got the email blast, and nobody sufficiently explained the meaning behind the shirts. It was also Vacation Bible School week, and that was apparently food themed, so some of the women wore aprons. The church also celebrated "Christmas in July," so that was a part of the service. I got the impression none of the church elders bothered to communicate with each other; as a result the Sunday service lacked cohesion.

The worship service itself was somewhat traditional. They had a processional with acolytes, though they didn't wear vestments (or even Hawaiian shirts). One of the acolytes was an attractive girl in tight cutoff denim shorts and a semi-translucent top, and before I get yelled at for staring at her in a house of worship, that was what she chose to wear to light the candles on the alter. I'm not judging it; she wore what she wore and I reacted to it.

I confess that I enjoy the ceremonial aspects of a good worship service, and I haven't been at one with a processional in quite some time. Other traditional aspects of the First Christian Church of North Hollywood include a preacher who preaches from a pulpit and a complete lack of PowerPoint.

Unlike last Sunday's church, there were Bibles in the pews. However, in what I can only describe as the oddest part of the service, nobody read any Bible passages. The preacher referred to a few verses from the Gospels during his sermon, but the Bible wasn't read from at any point in the service. Another thing absent from the service was any reference to current events. We didn't pray for the people of Norway or for those suffering from record heat across the country. That seemed out-of-character to me.

As stated in the initial paragraph, I left agitated, and here's why: I'd estimate roughly 75% of the service (which lasted nearly an hour and a half) consisted of various announcements about church events, fundraisers, campaigns, and awards. We had announcements at the start of worship, announcements during worship, and announcements at the end of worship. I was deluged by an onslaught of good works. I don't begrudge a church the right to pat itself on the back for deeds done in the name of God. However, I felt two things were missing: The Word of God and God's role in modern life. What we do for God is important, but what is God doing for us? How are the events shaping the world related to God? I didn't get that at this church.

The preacher read his message, and might have benefited from a teleprompter. The message stemmed from Matthew 25 with a little help from Mark, but -- as seems to be the case even in traditional worship settings -- the edges of the verses were neatly shaved off.

A note about Holy Communion: I'm electing to refrain from taking part in communion as a visitor in a church, but two aspects of the Lord's Supper at the First Christian Church struck me. First, instead of the congregation rising and proceeding to the alter to receive communion, ushers and acolytes walked up and down the aisles delivering the body and blood of Christ. The darkly comedic side of me couldn't help but wonder: If they fail to deliver Jesus to you in 30 minutes or less, is he free? The second thing that struck me was the note in the bulletin:

The Communion "wine" used in all our services is non-alcoholic grape juice.

Looking at the list of things the church is involved in, there are mentions of AA meetings and various shelters, so it stands to reason that non-alcoholic wine should be offered for select individuals. However, I'd again point out to shaving off the edges of the Bible. Jesus broke the bread and shared the wine. Bread and wine alone are not what most of us would consider to be standard supper fare, but the ritual is to do as He did... and He didn't do it with grape juice or diet soda or even my favorite Vitamin Water. I concede this is a small issue that is really a nonissue, but to me it was an across-the-board changing of a tradition that didn't really need to be changed for the entire congregation.

I will not belittle the members of this congregation or even the leaders of this church. If it works for them, good for them. But it is not a place I have any genuine interest in visiting again. I'm sure they are good people doing good things, but the presentation left me wanting and some of it was just peculiar by my standards.Then again, my standards are peculiar.

Amen.

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Sunday Scorecard

This will be a regular part of my weekly reviews, a series of short-answer questions about the day's experience.

What is the contact info for the church?

The First Christian Church of North Hollywood

4390 Colfax Avenue
Studio City, CA.  91604
818/763-8218

http://www.fccnh.org/

What was the denomination?

"Disciples of Christ" (formerly Presbyterian)

What Bible verses were referenced?

Matthew 25:35-45 and Mark 10:14 (though no structured readings took place in the service)

What are the demographics of the congregation?

A lot of seniors and a lot of young parents with kids. Lacking folks in-between.

Was the atmosphere formal or casual?

The Sunday I went seemed less formal than usual. Preacher remarked he generally wears a coat and tie.

What was the music like?

Traditional organ.

How was the use of PowerPoint?

No PowerPoint. And there was much rejoicing!

Being Hollywood, were there celebrities in the congregation?

Not that I could recognize, though the building itself is famous.

Hollywood United Methodist Church

Welcome to my inaugural blog post.

Before I launch into my review of the Hollywood Methodist Church, I should begin with a brief explanation about who I am and why I'm electing to embark on this spiritual tour of Hollywood.

About a year ago, my house of worship -- a Lutheran church in San Diego, CA -- basically made it clear that my level of faith did not measure up to their standards. I don't believe it is anybody's place to judge someone else's level of faith or belief in God. They disagreed. I took a sabbatical from celebrating the Sabbath. My faith did not waver, but I was not interested in thrusting myself back into a situation where some spiritual leader could condemn my ideology. Since then, I have relocated and taken a job in Hollywood. I believe it is time for me to get off the horse or get back in the saddle or any other metaphor you think best fits going to church.

I'm going to set a goal of visiting a different church every week, though I reserve the right to repeat churches. My goal is to find a place where I can feel God doing His thing. As I make the spiritual rounds, I'll write about each church, reviewing them in much the same way one might review a movie or TV series. Because faith can be an intensely personal matter, my tastes will probably not perfectly align with yours. It is not my intention to offend anyone who might be a part of any of the churches I frequent, but I do intend to write critically and candidly about my experiences in each. I welcome and encourage comment, discussion, and debate. However, I will not tolerate intolerance or hate speech of any kind.

_______________________________________________

The Hollywood United Methodist Church is perhaps the best known church in all of Hollywood. It is an icon, very near the Hollywood & Highland entertainment complex, as well as the Magic Castle. It looks exactly the way a church should look: Gothic-style arches and ornamentation, marble and stone, stained glass, and dark wood framing. It is clear from the novelty sized red-ribbon adorning the bell tower that this church is somehow connected to the fight against AIDS.

What I know about the Methodist Church could fit on a Dixie cup. In fact, all that immediately comes to mind is the line from "Our Town":

"Leave the loudness to the Methodists. You couldn't beat 'em, even if you wanted to."

Walking inside the church, I was greeted by two or three guys, one of whom handed me the Sunday bulletin. The pews are more like stadium seating, with individual seats that you fold down to sit on. In the pews are hymn books, offering envelopes, guest/prayer cards, but no Bibles (at least none in the row I sat in). A lone guitar strummed a mellow tune as people entered the sanctuary. The house wasn't full by the time the 11am service began, but it was nearer to capacity than I expected. According to the bulletin, the previous Sunday's worship service boasted a congregation of 262 people. I'd estimate about the same in attendance today.

The tunes and prayers were familiar, though some of the lyrics were different than I was used to. The opening hymn "Sing With All The Saints In Glory" was set to Beethoven's "Ode To Joy." There was a children's message that was largely the same as every children's message I've ever sat through (nobody's fault -- I just don't think they work). Then the kids were shuffled off to Sunday School while the adults did the traditional meet-and-greet hand-shaking and hugging.

The message came from the Book of Galatians, only not really. As the pastor indicated, somebody had given the language a little modern-day polish. I don't mean to single this church out because they are hardly the only to do this, but it annoys me. Understand that any version or translation of the Bible subsequent to King James annoys me. It isn't that I don't want the Word of God to be relatable to modern man, but there is something to be said about the English of the age of Shakespeare. There should be a formality to our interaction with God. He is not "Buddy Christ" as Kevin Smith depicted. He (or in this instance Paul) should not sound like a surfer. 

Anywho, the sermon was clearly not one I would have heard in my old Missouri Synod Lutheran Church, because it spoke of the equality of all of God's children and how we are all worthy of love and respect (think I might still have some bitterness issues to work through with the LCMS). The congregation included several openly gay men in attendance, and their website speaks to the church's support of the LGBT community. But the focus of the sermon was not on gays or lesbians; it was on the Mormon Church.

The summer sermon series is a common practice for churches. It is a lean time for religious holidays, so pastors try to lighten the mood with uplifting messages. Being a church in Hollywood, it made sense that the Hollywood United Methodist Church's summer series focused on a series of films and how they relate to faith. This sermon centered around "8: The Mormon Proposition," a documentary about the California vote on gay marriage. The head pastor, Kathy Cooper-Ladesma, drove the point home that the pulpit was not the place to conduct political speeches, and any church shoving itself into a political debate is committing a sin. This statement was met with applause and loud cries of "amen."

Here's the thing: I support my LGB friends and family (I would support my T friends, but I don't have any -- that I know of), but the so-called gay agenda is a social and political cause, and it is a cause the Hollywood United Methodist Church publicly supports. And good for them for doing so, but it seemed somewhat odd to be condemning the Mormon act of forcing their morality into the political arena as sinful while they would seem to work from the opposite side of that coin. It is a bit like Sarah Palin's daughter going on a lecture tour to speak about abstinence and against teen pregnancy. In summary, I liked what the pastor had to say, I just don't recognize her authority to say it. She spoke dynamically and with fervor, and I'm sure there are other areas where she could speak with authority, but this just didn't ring credible to me.

Overall, this was not a bad way to return to Sunday worship. The people were warm and friendly, the atmosphere sufficiently traditional, and nobody questioned my faith.

Amen.

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Sunday Scorecard

This will be a regular part of my weekly reviews, a series of short-answer questions about the day's experience.

What is the contact info for the church?
The Hollywood United Methodist Church
6817 Franklin Ave.
Hollywood, CA 90029
323/874-2104
www.hollywoodumc.org


What was the denomination?
Methodist.

What Bible verses were referenced?
Galations 3:23-29 (sort of, but not really -- and nothing from the Gospels, which I am not used to)

What are the demographics of the congregation?
Tough to generalize this group, which is good because they had a wide age range and  a good gender mix. Mostly white crowd, but I sat in the same row as two African-Americans and a Hispanic American.

Was the atmosphere formal or casual?
It was a mix. The associate pastor wore the traditional white collar and many in attendance dressed up for the service, but the pastor herself wore a basic black dress with no vestments and just as many in the congregation wore jeans or shorts. One guy in front of me drank Vitamin Water during the service, which rubbed me the wrong way.

What was the music like?
Acoustic guitar led us into worship. Traditional pipe organ during worship (the organ itself sounded more like an organ from a carnival or ballpark than a church), as well as one tune featuring a soloist accompanied by a piano.

How was the use of PowerPoint?
As unobtrusive as PowerPoint tends to get. The images were projected on the walls to the left and right of the cross -- no screens, just the bare walls.

Being Hollywood, were there celebrities in the congregation?
Yes.